In this year of 2020, we often look back and wonder where the last year went. It always goes so fast, right? How did it go that fast? Did I enjoy it? What do I wish for this year?

This year, I have made it a vow to get healthy. I made it a vow to make my “2019 me” look weak.

Health looks different to many, but my perspective of health isn’t just of my body. It’s of my internal and external environment. How healthy is your internal environment? Your body, your soul, your mind?

How healthy is your external environment? Your home, your relationships?

It’s time to take  turn to 100% health. Internally and externally.

Internally, I have created new habits of ditching sugar, and working out 5 days a week. Now it’s time for the external.

Relationships.

This is where I want to reinvent it all. My relationships with friends, family, and my husband.

So, I am currently enrolled in Tony Robbins program “Ultimate Relationship”.

And today, we discuss “Day 1.” Here is what I learned.

Relationships give us a sense of aliveness, a sense of meaning, and that meaning is magnified in the interaction with people that we love. Nothing is more powerful in life than touching a soul, and the only thing equally powerful is that love and passion coming back to you.

We don’t just find it. We create it.

Wherever you are in your relationships at this moment, my guess is there’s a gap at this point and where you want to be. It’s time to take it there, in the changes you make first. You can create it, and recreate it.

If you want the depth of ongoing passion, and love, that comes from understanding the needs of your partner, you can create it within yourself and with anyone you love. We’ve all been in relationships where there are high’s and lows, and it’s how you get out of those lows to master that relationship. You want that same kind of passion and love that keeps growing, something sustainable. If you can master any other area of your life, you can certainly master your relationships, no matter how overwhelming.

Intimate relationships determine your happiness in life, or lack thereof, but it’s the least mastered. When people say “well, I’m really happy” but they’re not happy in their relationships, you won’t stay happy. It’s not about making your relationship “work.” This is about making your relationship PASSIONATE and about how you can take it to that next level and strengthen it and help it grow.

If you want results in your life, knowledge is not enough. It’s how you USE that knowledge.

So, let’s talk about this.

There are three levels to mastering any concept:

LEVEL 1:  Cognitive Understanding
You have insight as to what is working in your relationship, and what isn’t, as well as what you must do to create the results you want.

LEVEL 2:  Emotional Mastery
Next up, feeling the necessity of applying yourself to make this change.

LEVEL 3: Physical Mastery
Now, feeling the necessity of applying yourself to make a REAL change.

Before we go on this journey, it’s important to know WHERE you currently are, before you can figure out WHERE to go. If you cannot put a landmark in the map, you will never have direction.

What position are you in right now in your relationship?

POSITION 1: A magnificent relationship with love and passion.
This is the ideal relationship, full of fun, spontaneity, excitement, passion, intimacy, closeness, and devotion. You are “in the zone” in your relationship.

POSITION 2: A relationship with love but little or no passion.
You have a deep love for your partner, and your family and friends think you have a good relationship, but you no longer have the fun and excitement you want. You had passion in the past, and are now “comfortable.” The good news about being in this position is it’s possible (and easy) to move from position 2 to position 1!

POSITION 3: A relationship with love but little or no passion.
You and your partner live together, and you’re comfortable with each other, but there is little or no deep emotional involvement. There could be friction, either of you may not feel very loved/wanted. Either of you may have found ways to meet the majority of your needs outside of the relationship. If most of your attention/interest is on work/hobbies/family/friends, you’re probably in this position. Why is this position difficult? Well, you may feel your partner is a “good person” – but not good enough to get excited about or bad enough to leave. This position demonstrates a relationship that is deteriorating, and will only get worse with time, unless you take strides to turn it around.

POSITION 4: You are planning your escape.
You are still with your partner, but you’ve been in Position 3 for so long, you’ve got your finger on the button. You don’t feel committed to making it work, your’e just waiting for the right conditions to leave. You might be waiting for the new job, or your kids to go to college, to hit the button. This position can be very destructive for your emotional health or your children’s. You need to move up to Position 1 or 2, or you need to make a move out of this relationship. You need to go through all 10 steps of this program before making your decision. Then, make a commitment and plan and a deadline. The cost of living in Position 4 is that you will never experience what life is truly about, you will suffer through a lifetime of stress, fear, and rationalization. You will also be a terrible example of what a relationship should be for your children, who are witnessing and absorbing your behaviors. Don’t let your life slip away while you wait and delay.

POSITION 5: You are not in a relationship but want to be in one.
You’ve never bee in a committed relationship, you’ve already made your escape from a previous relationship, or your partner has left you. You might have been here for a while, or you are worried you will repeat the experiences of your previous relationship. This position is very painful, but it’s also of amazing opportunity. At this point, you can clarify what kind of relationship you want, and the things you need to do to be able to get there. You are able to work on yourself first, clarify your priorities and take the steps to be back in Position 1.

POSITION 6: You are not in a relationship and don’t want to be in one.
This is where you feel safe. You might feel that you’re avoiding the potential hurt that could come with relationships. By staying in this place, you are missing out on wonderful emotional experiences! This is where you need to ask yourself if you really want to live alone in this life? Love is the prime motivation for spiritual grown in humans. Sure, you can say you don’t need a relationship — but usually, that is just fear.

So, before we go any further, you need to ask yourself: what’s your vision? What would your ultimate relationship be like? If you were to describe it, what would it look like? How would you spend time together? What would you do? what would you share? What would you laugh bout? How would you make love? What would you do spontaneous together? What would you do that’s crazy? What would you share with this person and nobody else if it was your ultimate relationship? What would you feel everyday when you woke up in the morning and you just cannot wait to kiss or make love to your soulmate?

That’s the map we’re about to figure out. Know where you’re at, and where you want to go.

Today, right now. Get a vision for your relationship.

Also, make it easy. you have time to do this. Think about the cost of not doing this? Ignorance is pain. I bet you’ll have to make time for the “big D” (divorce… ugh that word makes me cringe, i don’t even like to say it). Please give yourself time to do this, otherwise you’ll be forced to make time for the “big D.”

So, get out a paper and a pen, right now. I’ll wait. Go get it. And answer these questions….

1. What would your ultimate relationship be like, feel like, look like, sound like, what would your experience of life be if right now you were living in your ultimate relationship?  What would you do when you first woke up in the morning? What would it inspire in your kids, family? What is it you’d share together? How would you play-fight? Start with the end in mind. Figure out where you are now, and where you want to go. One of the things that happens is most of us focus on what we need to get done, but always think about the end result, the positive outcome.If you don’t have a relationship, create a new vision. Without a vision, people perish.
2. Figure out what your position you’re in (Position 1 – Position 6). Where are you? Look in the mirror, and be honest. Even if you’re not happy with it, the truth will set you free.
3. Where is your partner? What position are they in? Be as honest as you can about what their perspective is. Please, be honest. If not in a relationship, think bout your last relationship.
4. If you know where you want to go, and you know where you are, there’s a gap. What would it take to transform it? To close it? To change it all? What would be the shift? Is it a belief? Is work or kids more important? Is it really a priority to you? Would you have to change what you’re doing and spend more time together? Maybe playfully? What can you do for your partner to transform it? Think of one to two answers, your initial gut answer. What stopping you from moving forward? 

Don’t list all of the problems with your partner. What is it IN YOU that YOU can change?

Don’t be hard on yourself, nothing stays permanent, but it’s all about the possibility of change. Grow, expand, take it to a whole other level. Some days you’ll be in position 1, some days 3.

You have the muscles to push through.

Give your love a chance to grow.

XOXO,

Nat

 

“My baby has been so gracious and so kind. We really are blessed. its been a love affair I could’ve never imagined. What I’m so excited about is how i got here. It goes deeper every day. It goes beyond love – I adore him, I worship him, he’s my man, my husband, my best friend, my everything. It wasn’t always this. We had our ups and downs, made a lot of mistakes. There’s been painful times, scary moments, and we learned. Through it, we always took our mistakes and made our relationship deeper.” – SAGE ROBBINS